


Black No. 1

by Elf



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M, First Date, Humor, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-19
Updated: 2005-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 23:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elf/pseuds/Elf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A songfic in which Alucard finally asks Integra on a date for Halloween. Seras helps her prepare but is called away to help her Master with an unexpected and rather embarassing problem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black No. 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N and the usual disclaimers: So the Elf branches out into her anime collection and comes up with one for Hellsing. This is a favorite song of mine to dance to at the club I go to on Sunday nights. Oh, speaking of the song I don't own "Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All)", it belongs to Type O Negative. Also I don't own Seras, Integra, Alucard or anything about Hellsing, Kouta Hirano created that universe. I just came up with the idea for this situation. And after watching Hellsing and reading the manga I thought this song would be quite humorous to do. Okay, this songfic is about Alucard having finally talked Integra into an actual date on Halloween. But now the long awaited date night is here and our suave and sexy No-Life King is having a slight problem and needs Seras' help and secrecy...
> 
> (Written so long ago...around 2005)

**_I went looking for trouble  
And boy, I found her_ **

Alucard smiled to himself. He had finally convinced Integra to enjoy an evening out in his company. And his little Police Girl had gone off to help her get ready. This should be an interesting night. He headed back to his room to prepare himself as well.

_**She's in love with herself** _  
_**She likes the dark** _  
_**On her milk white neck** _  
_**The Devil's mark** _  
_**Now its all Hallows Eve** _  
_**The moon is full** _  
_**But will she trick or treat** _  
_**I'll bet she will** _  
_**She will...** _  
_**(Happy Halloween)** _

Integra looked at her reflection in the mirror and shook her head. "How did I let him talk me into this?" she muttered.

"I say it's about time, Miss Integra," came a cheerful reply from behind her. Integra turned to watch Seras pawing through the few cosmetics on her dresser. "You do need to get out occasionally. And this way you'd be safe as well." Seras frowned and then reached over to the bag she had brought with her. "Glad I thought to bring my old stuff," she said and dumped the contents on the bed then quickly began sorting through the compacts. After a few moments of careful deliberation Seras grabbed a few compacts and tubes and carried them over to the vanity where Integra sat.

"Is there any reason why I simply cannot dress as I normally do? I wasn't aware there was a dress code in these sorts of situations," Integra said eyeing the cosmetics with trepidation.

"It's a special night!" Seras exclaimed. "Besides, it'd be nice to see if the sight of you all done up could catch Master off guard for once."

Integra smiled at the thought of Alucard like that. It would indeed be nice to turn the tables on him. "Very well, Seras. Do your best."

_**She's got date at midnight** _  
_**With Nosferatu** _  
_**Oh baby, Lilly Munster** _  
_**Ain't got nothing on you** _  
_**Well when I called her evil** _  
_**She just laughed** _  
_**And cast that spell on me** _  
_**Boo Bitch Craft** _

For a tomboy Seras was quite good at applying the cosmetics, even Integra had to admit that. The few times that she had tried to do such things herself she had come quite close to losing an eye and by the time she was finished she looked more like a circus clown than the leader of the Hellsing organization. Yet Seras was patient and careful. Integra found herself relaxing and actually beginning to look forward to the evening. She began to wonder what Alucard was planning for this evening and if he was going to look any different than usual.

Her musings were interrupted as Seras stepped back and spoke, "There. Not bad if I do say so myself. If you like it then we'll go ahead and get you dressed."

Integra looked at her reflection for the first time since Seras had begun and her eyes widened in shock. Her already pale skin was quite a few shades lighter. She had put contacts in and now black eyeliner and black and grey eyeshadow defined her eyes without making them appear too exaggerated. _Thank God for small miracles,_ she thought. Her lips were not black but instead a dark red color that almost looked like fresh blood. She turned her head from side to side taking in the site while Seras stood nervously by.

Then she smiled.

_**Yeah you wanna go out 'cause it's raining and blowing** _  
_**You can't go out 'cause your roots are showing** _  
_**Dye 'em black** _  
_**Dye 'em black** _  
_**Black no. 1** _

A knock came at Alucard's door and after a moment Walter came in carrying a tray with two blood bags on it. He set them on the table just inside the door and started to turn toward Alucard who sat, reclining on the bed. "I've brought you a bit of a snack before you go on your date with Sir...," Walter had looked over at the vampire and his words trailed off into silence.

"What is it, Walter?" Alucard asked, curious about his friend's stupefied expression.

"Your hair..."

Alucard reached up to touch his hair and felt the familiar strands. "What about it?"

Walter came closer and sat on the bed near him. "I'm glad I came here before you went to see Sir Integra. I doubt she would ever let you live this one down, old friend."

Now Alucard was getting annoyed and worried. "Live what down? Explain yourself, Walter."

"I think it's time you dyed your hair again. Your white roots are showing."

This time it was Alucard whose expression turned to one of horror. "Not now! There isn't much time." He stood and paced around the room. "Walter, can you dye hair?" he asked, rounding on the older looking man.

Walter shook his head. "I'm sorry. That's one skill I never did pick up. Sir Integra doesn't dye hers. And I've been lucky with my own, what little there is left." He glanced at the vampire who had begun pacing again. "How have you managed in the past?"

"I tend to make appointments in plenty of time. I can't do it myself. One of the drawbacks of not having a reflection. But this is last minute. I can't cancel tonight. She'll never agree to this again if I do." Alucard thought frantically. Suddenly he froze in place, an expression of hope on his face. "Police Girl!"

_**Little wolf skin boots** _  
_**And clove cigarettes** _  
_**An erotic funeral** _  
_**For which she's dressed** _  
_**Her perfume smells like** _  
_**Burning leaves** _  
_**Everyday is Halloween** _

Seras stepped back and examined her creation. Integra looked nothing like her usual self. Knee-high black leather boots with a slight heel on them gave her legs shape. Seras had decided to pass on the fishnet hose deciding that Sir Integra's legs would be distracting enough as they were. Though she doubted her Master would even notice since the dress would catch the most attention. It was one of Seras' favorites though she rarely got a chance to wear it. Surprisingly enough it fit Sir Integra perfectly.

The dress was red vinyl and skintight. It was short enough that walking up stairs would provide an interesting view to anyone walking behind. The back had a single buckle that gave the same effect as lacing would on a corset. No sleeves but the front came up and buckled around Integra's neck as a collar.

Seras watched as Integra moved to the full-length mirror and then jumped in surprise when her Master's voice rang in her head.

_"Police Girl!"_

Seras wondered for a moment at the almost frantic tone in Alucard's voice. _"Yes, Master?"_

_"Come to my chambers immediately. I require your assistance with something of delicacy."_

_"I'm on my way, Master."_

Seras' eyes came back into focus and she caught the inquiring glance from Integra. She stood and backed to the door. "Sir Integra, if you don't need me anymore then do you mind if I...?" She gestured toward the hallway.

"Of course. You may go. And thank you for your help tonight. I think this will prove to be an interesting evening," Integra replied, nodding.

Seras couldn't help the grin that came. "I have to agree with you there." And then she left, sprinting down the hallway and stairs to Alucard's rooms.

_**Yeah you wanna go out 'cause it's raining and blowing** _  
_**You can't go out 'cause your roots are showing** _  
_**Dye 'em black** _  
_**Dye 'em black** _  
_**Black no. 1** _  
_**She dyes it black, black no. 1** _

“You want me to **_what_**?!”

“You heard me just fine, Police Girl. Don’t make me ask twice.”

Seras just stared at her Master for a moment, dumbfounded.

_“Seras!”_

She jumped more at his use of her name rather than at the sharp tone of his voice in her mind. “Pardon me for asking, but why can’t you just change the color yourself?”

Alucard actually looked embarrassed for a moment before pulling his usual air of sarcasm about him. “I’ve been attempting that for years but it never works. Normally I have time to make an appointment at a certain all-night salon but, as you can see, I’m in a bit of a predicament.”

Seras bit her lip, attempting to hide the giggles that were starting to make her shake. Quickly she looked down at her shoes hoping that if she didn’t’ see him perhaps she would be able to calm down quickly. Alucard watched her with narrowed eyes. “If you must laugh, please do so now so that we can fix this problem quickly.”

With that permission Sera burst into full laughter that caused her to double over. Tears came to her eyes and she felt them stream down her face unnoticed. After a full five minutes the laughter died away into hiccuping giggles. She straightened up and wiped her eyes. “Sorry, Master,” she said quietly, still not able to meet his gaze.

“You aren’t sorry in the least,” he replied sharply but smiled a moment later. “But never mind. You are allowed a laugh at my expense once every few years.”

“Thank you,” she said, grinning. Taking a deep breath she finally looked up at Alucard again and this time studied him with the same gaze that she had used on Integra. “You just use a solid black, right?”

“Of course. The bottles I keep for such situations are in that bureau.” He pointed to a chest across the room. Seras quickly moved to it and extracted two bottle of black hair color. She turned back to Alucard with a slightly evil look in her red eyes and a bottle in each hand. “Okay, Master, let’s dye some hair.”

_**Loving you** _  
_**Loving you** _  
_**Loving you was like loving the dead** _  
_**Was like loving the dead** _

Seras turned off the hair dryer that she had grabbed from her room and gave Alucard’s hair a quick last brushing. She smiled as the glossy strands shined black from roots to ends. “You’re finished, Master! And just in time,” she added looking at the clock. “Integra-sama is probably ready to go.” Stepping back, Seras watched as Alucard stood and gave him a final appraisal. Not a bad job on him either,she thought and then cringed as she heard her Master's quiet laughter in her mind.

 _"Glad you are proud of yourself, Police Girl,"_ he thought while donning his hat and coat."Now, if you will excuse me, I have a young woman that is need of an escort tonight." He gave her a slight bow and slid away through a wall.

Seras sighed and sat down in the chair he had just vacated. "Integra-sama, you are a lucky woman tonight," she whispered aloud. For all that she wished it was her going out tonight with her Master she couldn't help being pleased with herself. She closed her eyes and waited. He should be seeing Integra-sama any moment now….

… _damn…"_

Ah, he had seen her. And his reaction was about what she had hoped for.

 _"You do good work, indeed, Seras Victoria. Thank you for this and your help earlier..."_ His voice faded as he broke the connection and she knew that they were on their way. She broke into a full grin and propped her feet on the table, satisfied. The night had indeed been worth it.

 _**Black no. 1  
** _ _**She dyes it black, black no. 1** _


End file.
